How Quickly We Forget
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. -James 1:19
I talk aloud when no one is around but my dog Sasha, in hopes she’s listening. Both she and God collect my secrets and unfiltered thoughts. But this evening, I sat in silence for hours. It felt like days for the adrenaline to wear off after I was groped. That’s when a trifecta of intense feelings emerged. I became angry, aggravated, and annoyed. The violation exhumes unwanted familiar feelings from childhood and causes newfound damage. Struggling to reclaim my peace and simple freedoms, the air feels dirty. I don’t move without caution. New memories haunt me. Trust destroyed in seconds. I want the place where awkwardness doesn’t reside, and pain fails to resurrect. I am angry, aggravated, and annoyed for being in this space.
The world validates my contempt. It’s easy to bathe in justified rage. But its stench fails to find my target, instead, boomeranging squarely upon me. I am angry and rightly so. Yet I feel a tug on my heart and that whisper in my ear; how quickly we forget.
Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another; forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. -Ephesians 4:31-32
I met with the man that groped me. Our meeting, a mutual request, was strangely unawkward. Well, perhaps not initially when he entered the room gingerly, seemingly tiptoeing as if he were carefully avoiding a potential land mine. He was feeling me out, no pun intended. Sitting across from me, he looked nervous. I asked: Do you mind if I pray first? Not at all, he said.
While no one would fault my disdain, I can’t live there. Turning to God, I am reminded, be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26). Anger in itself is not a bad thing. But how we choose to respond to it can be. I had offers to hurt the man that offended me. But violence solves nothing and I wish him no harm. For God’s Word is clear; Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). God has a way of dealing with us far better than we can one another, particularly when we fail to repent and turn from our sins. God is true to His Word, therefore, I rest in the assurance that He will deal with my violator justly. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I forgave the man who violated me, and released him to The Lord, believing His Word to repay. I pardoned him without condoning his actions, just as God does with me and you.
This walk with Christ is not for the faint of heart. It requires actions contrary to what the human condition desires. The world’s method fosters pain, harm, and distress. But abiding in God’s way allows for healing, peace, and reconciliation (which does not always equate to reunification). Because of my history with trauma, I understand healing begins with forgiveness. And while battling Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) makes it more difficult to eradicate painful memories, the power of God makes it possible to release my desire for retribution and count the whole ordeal as joy.
God wants you to be delivered from what you have done and what has been done to you. Both are equally important to Him. – Joyce Meyer
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