Pain Relief

Pain is real. But so is hope. - Author Unknown

For years I suffered from knee pain that grew progressively worse. Unstable in its ways, my left knee made navigating stairs a chore, walking hardly bearable, and running out of the question. Inflammation was chronic and swelling evident. My knee was notoriously clicking, locking, and popping. If the rhythmless nation were a club, my knee secured membership. But when a cane and crutches became a necessary means of mobility, I knew something had to give.

After an initial consult with my doctor yielded no resolve, my journey grew discouraging. I saw physician after physician, being misdiagnosed repeatedly. Doctors were simply perplexed. My knee had become an anomaly and relief seemed unattainable. With walking compromised and pain at an all-time high, my frustration swelled. Then, just when I wanted to give up, I had a breakthrough.

Sometimes life is the same way. We find ourselves in painful predicaments with seemingly no relief in sight. Hope diminishes with each faltering attempt and we’re apt to throw in the towel. Mental illness grips and downward spiraling ensues. We come to crossroads uncertain which route to take. And though life is hard, most of us manage to wade our way through despite the pain. But what about those for which life becomes unbearable? When the weight of the world refuses to relent. When trauma, tragedy, and sickness are no longer the exception. When the thought of ending life seems mercifully humane.

You would be surprised by how often I think about suicide. After sharing this fact with a friend, she was baffled. You seem so strong and so poised. At that moment I professed aloud: Oh but I am strong, and I am poised. Having thoughts of suicide does not make one weak nor flustered. As one with a trail of traumatic experiences, battling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and bouts of deep depression is no easy feat. To stop the hurting, suicide often means the last-resort for relief. A desperate plea to end the torture. It is indicative of a person encountering so great an intense pain that the prospect of ending life is, falsely, thought to offer the only escape.

Yet still, exposing oneself to be in need of help can prove daunting. Especially if uncertain where to turn or when previous attempts at support have fallen short. Sometimes one’s suffering is not so much silent as overlooked. We’ve seen the declarations posted after suicides of known people: You never know what people are going through. He didn’t seem depressed. She seemed so happy and full of life. He was just out here faking it. They hid depression so well. Such generalized rants often follow these tragedies coupled with that infamous mantra, check on your strong friends and loved ones. Still, we must be honest with ourselves and question if our assumptions have become barriers to recognizing warning signs. Thoughts that anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses have a familiar appearance is presumptuously ignorant. And frankly, we must do better. We have to lift the blanket of universalism to better understand that mental illness and episodic crises can present in a plethora of ways.

So what really happens when the wave of social concern washes ashore then retreats to inaction? When checking on strong people produces silence. Or when the promise of a listening ear betrays because a spewing of self-absorption hijacks the conversation? Life is what happens. The suffering, limping through life with smiles of forced strength, can grow weary. Leaving one clinging to life by a thread.

Hope for the Hurting

Start with God

But there is hope for the hurting and it starts with God. Where man falls short, God reigns. His promises are true. For God is not a man that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? (Numbers 23:19). God is faithful, and He can be trusted. Seek Him first, relying upon Him, trusting in His faithfulness. In dark moments (and all moments), learn to turn to God first. 

When my mind wanders to dark places, The Holy Spirit reminds me of Isaiah 26:3-4: You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. When the pain of grief rattles my foundation, I land on Psalm 31:2: Incline Your ear to me; rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me! In times of uncertainty, I turn to Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on our own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. When my soul is troubled because hard things happen, I find comfort in Jesus’ declaration recorded in John 16:33, I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Seek Trusted Assistance

Not everyone is created equal when it comes to offering support. Trust me. Far too often when turning to others, the conversation shifts to self-centered ramblings, leaving the helper feeling accomplished but further exacerbating the need for release and relief for the hurting. Instead, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the person(s) meant to help you during times of crisis. Ask for guidance to a mental health therapist who can assist you in navigating the terrain of your life without dumping useless baggage along your path. Just because we all have a mouth, does not mean it should be used in every circumstance. And once you have identified who your person or people are, stick with them. According to licensed New York mental health counselor Aaron Sternlicht, Counselors can provide support and guidance and help to identify triggers, cope with negative emotions and reduce symptoms in order to improve the individual’s quality of life. 

If uncertain where to turn during a suicidal crisis, immediately contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 by phone or text to connect with a mental health professional. For non-urgent therapy services, a good place to start is with your primary care provider who can assist you with a mental health referral and additional resources. If you prefer the privacy and convenience of seeking help from your home, consider an online therapy service such as www.betterhelp.com. Often online options are more affordable if paying out of pocket, though many do not offer medication services should you need them. Also, consider asking a trusted friend or family member to aid you in your search for professional help. Resources are available. With prayer and your diligence, you can get the help you need.

Suicide Safety Plan

A suicide safety plan is a list of prioritized coping strategies and sources of support that can be used before and during a suicidal crisis. This individualized plan can be created on your own or in conjunction with your therapist. Developing your strategy with your therapist can provide for additional resources and help you adhere to the plan. Online templates are readily accessible and can be found at www.mysafetyplan.org or through a simple online engine search of suicide safety plan. Do not wait until your dark moments to seek help and develop a suicide safety plan. And no matter what, always reach out for help during a crisis. Again, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, available 24 hours, 7 days a week. 

Stay with God

Do not underestimate the power of Jesus Christ. His loving-kindness and mercy offer healing and comfort that are both real and available. And He works in myriad and mysterious ways. A week before the death of my brother Stan, both he and Mom were hospitalized at the same time. Stan was in Florida and Mom in Virginia. Both their conditions were dire with Stan’s being imminent. As I arrived at the hospital to be with Mom, I ran into Ms. Delores, a family friend and fellow church member, exiting the hospital lobby. Unaware that Mom was admitted, I updated Ms. Delores on her condition during our brief encounter.

The following morning Ms. Delores returned to see Mom. When I arrived at Mom’s room hours later, I noticed a slip of paper on her bedside tray with a telephone number and the name Monica written on it. To my knowledge our family only knew one Monica: a beloved family friend for decades which my family had lost touch with over the years. Monica, Stan’s first love and the trusted big sister I longed for as a child. Monica, wife of the Pastor who officiated my wedding ceremony nearly seven years prior. I knew it had to be the same Monica. But how had her number landed on Mom’s hospital tray? 

Dad would later share that Ms. Delores told Monica our family’s story the evening before, and left Monica’s contact information during her visit. What was seemingly a chance encounter with Ms. Delores was actually a Divine intervention. My reunification with Monica would prove to be an ordained blessing, undoubtedly appointed by God to assist me through the worst season of my life. The deaths of my parents and two older brothers in forty months. Monica was the trusted voice I needed. A woman of God I could rely upon, whose wise counsel continually ushered me directly to Jesus. 

Don’t Give Up

Wrapped in layers, a purse draped diagonally across my chest, I hobbled defiantly on crutches from my car through the parking lot to escape the chilly air. Checking in for another specialist appointment, pain in tow, I wondered if this doctor had answers. With preliminaries addressed, the nurse led me to the sterile room and directed me atop the examination table. I wish she had offered the armless black leather chair with sturdy metal legs to my left instead. Hurting. I wanted to collapse into the nearest seat. Yet somehow I managed to crawl up the thick padded table as directed without uttering a word. The silence interrupted by crinkling thin white paper, a protective barrier between me and the cushioned slab. She left. I groaned. Waiting with the agony of hope.

He entered the exam room. All of his face is a blur except his mouth. I fixated on his lips because staring into his eyes might prove disappointing. He spoke. Tell me what’s been going on with you and your knee? Starting from the beginning, unleashing years, I emptied myself. And he listened to every word. He listened with acknowledgement and without interruption. My eyes, glossed over from tears, intercepted the warmth conveyed by his. Feeling seen, I silenced my words giving him permission to speak. This olive-complected unassuming man with encouraging eyes spoke definitively: I am almost certain I know what’s wrong with your knee. Pigmented Villonodular Synovitis, or PVNS: a rare benign tumor that is degenerative but treatable.

Perhaps you have encountered your own hardships: a debilitating physical condition; gripping mental illness; unrelenting grief; agonizing trauma. Experiences that make you stumble and crawl, pressing onward in search of relief, even when the easier option of quitting appeals. Your faith flourishes and falters. You want to believe that hope will eventually prove itself, all the while grappling and questioning God’s whereabouts. The weight of circumstances so crippling you are reduced to your knees. Life’s challenges are inevitable. Jesus even told us as much (John 16:33). But just remember this prone position of suffering offers us the opportunity to seek The Father and stand upon His promises. Jesus is faithful and He will provide all of our needs (Philippians 4:19). No matter how you are stumbling through life, don’t give up. Your Divine encounter is near. Your breakthrough is closer than you think.

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: dial or text 988

*Additional Resources:

Suicide Prevention Guide available at: https://cdc.gov/suicide/

*Reading Resources (available on Amazon):

Breaking Through Depression: A Biblical and Medical Approach to Emotional Wholeness by Donald P. Hall

Call Me Before You Go: A Guide to Keep Your Friends Alive as They Fight Depression by Ruthie Gayle

From the Deepest Darkness to the Light of Hope: Strategies and Solutions to Build Resiliency While Fighting Anxiety, Depression, & PTSD by Jennifer Tracy

Out of the Cave: Stepping into the Light When Depression Darkens What You See by Chris Hodges

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

Saving Ourselves from Suicide - Before and After: How to Ask for Help, Recognize Warning Signs, and Navigate Grief by Linda Pacha

*Disclaimer: The information provided is not an endorsement, rather offered as resources which may be helpful.