It Was My Time
Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?
-Jeremiah 32:27
My late brother Kenny was special, in every sense of the word. Born with an ably different mind, he moved to the beat of his own drum. He had a fondness for numbers, and birthdays. Once he learned of your birthdate, he never forgot it. And none was more important than his. He shared with everyone; my birthday May 15… that’s five one five. Learning to mark events by numbers and birthdays, he found this to be a bridge to communicate and connect with others.
A true extrovert, the effects of the pandemic had a profound impact on Kenny’s mental health. When the country shut down in March 2020, he was at a loss. Having lost Dad just days prior to the shutdown, while still heavily grieving the recent deaths of Mom and our older brother Stan, he was devastated. His job shifted to telework, further exacerbating his isolation and disconnect from the world. So, when he pleaded to let him visit relatives in February 2021, nearly a year after the pandemic had begun to isolate us all, I conceded.
In preparation for his trip, I loaned Kenny my computer bag for his laptop. I watched him slowly pack the bag with his laptop, power cord, and his temporary security card required to access his company’s secure network.
The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.
- G.K. Chesterton
Shortly after Kenny’s return on February 27, 2021, he fell ill and was admitted to the hospital on March 12. Stricken with COVID-19 symptoms, he fought hard to overcome the virus. Health problems weren’t foreign to him. He had beaten stage 4 Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, several strokes, pneumonia, kidney issues, and even a blood clot in his heart. We hoped this battle would be another victory we could shout about. As the weeks passed, Kenny’s condition vacillated between improvement and setback. But even still, one question loomed for him; you think I’ll be out of here in time for my birthday? Providing him with optimism I always replied; Yeah, I’m sure you will. And on many occasions it looked as though it would be true.
My brother lost his battle with COVID-19 on April 24, 2021, just 21 days shy of his 55th birthday.
For weeks Kenny’s passing bothered me immensely. We had tried tirelessly to protect him from ‘The Virus.’ Isolating for nearly a year, careful not to expose him unnecessarily due to his underlying medical conditions, and vigilant about not entertaining house guests. Keeping contact with the outside world to a minimum, we did it all. But to no avail.
A few months passed, but the weight of Kenny’s death failed to lift. I spent weeks questioning my judgment. Could I have done something differently? Perhaps I should have postponed his travel until later? Deep within I felt responsible. Though he’s four years my senior, it was my job to care for his well being and protect him. The torment was getting the better of me and though I prayed, the heaviness remained, until one day in July when my husband Ed and I escaped to the beach.
With bags packed, we were ready to hit the road. I only needed to grab my computer bag I’d loaned to Kenny in February. Notorious for being messy, I cleared the bag of its clutter, taking note of a white slip of paper in the side pocket. I had never seen it before. But today it was glaring. The note, in unfamiliar handwriting, held Kenny’s temporary security card’s access pin and expiration date, which read: 04/24/21. I could not believe my eyes. The temporary security card that was reissued to Kenny less than six months prior to his passing was to expire on the same date of his death! I felt an overpowering peace wash over me and a small voice say, “It was my time.”
Ed and I talked about this discovery during our drive to the beach, arriving just in time to avoid the impending storm. Hurrying to our room, I opened the curtains wide to partake of the ocean view. But what I witnessed was far more beautiful. Propped in the sky was an enormous double rainbow! I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and immediately wept. The time was 5:15. Kenny’s birthday. I felt an overwhelming reassurance from God that Kenny’s life began and ended just as God had purposed. From that moment, I have held the sweetest peace knowing it was indeed his time.
Update:
On May 15, 2022, on what would have been Kenny’s 56th birthday, a beautiful double rainbow appeared in our backyard. I felt God’s comforting reassurance and Kenny’s special voice within saying, “Lori, it’s my birthday, May 15!”
My faith is big enough to accept all of God’s wonders. - Kristen Miller
