Intentional Gratitude
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. - 1 Thessalonians 5:18
On Valentine’s Day, a cloud of grief consumed me. My mind was replaying the scenes that led to Mom’s death, four years prior on this date. These unwelcome thoughts broke through the barrier I had placed around them, much like levees being compromised by a force greater than they can withstand. Anguish gushed powerfully. And with Dad’s death anniversary and Mom’s birthdate fast approaching, I believed the pain would rise in the ensuing weeks.
Much like those who complain about Mondays, I found myself audaciously dreading days that were not even promised. Lonely. Agony manipulated me into isolation, pulling me into the abyss of despair. Too weak to engage the world, the companionship of my tears won over. The tighter I latched onto my soiled pillow for comfort, the more the enemy sought to wreak havoc in my mind. Consumed by thoughts of those who had taken residency in my heart but betrayed my suffering with their abandonment. Then I was taunted by thoughts of insignificance. I wondered if I mattered to anyone as much as I had to Mom, Dad, and my late brothers Stan, and Kenny.
But God.
Clean off Your Mirror! The Holy Spirit reminded me, drawing my attention back to The Truth of who we are in Christ Jesus. Clean Off Your Mirror is a blog posting I had written nearly a year prior. Re-reading, I was now ministering to myself as I meditated on the scriptures therein. Concluding my study session, Numbers 23:19 spoke to me: God is not a man, that he should lie; or a son of man, that he should change His mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has He spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Audaciousness presented again. This time gripping firmly every Truth God says about us. The deeper His Word burrowed itself into my heart, the cleaner I became. Praising God, I cried for mercy. How could I allow the primitive opinions of those who merely know of me to override The Truth of The One who created me?
Determined to thwart negativity, I set out on a journey of intentional gratitude for thirty days. I reflected on God’s faithfulness, His promise to provide for His children (Philippians 4:19), and on what Jesus said in Matthew 5:4, Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. I knew God keeps His Word. Now I just needed to remind myself, daily, of the myriad ways in which He does so.
During the month of March, I celebrated women whose influence helped me through the hardest season of my life. A period where my parents and two older brothers were stricken with sickness and died within 40 months. I began surveying God’s faithfulness unto me and posted about my revelations daily to my social media accounts. Beginning with my Mother, taking note of her belief in God. Through her obedience, I first became acquainted with Jesus when she took me and my two older brothers to church every Sunday. Mom, who sang continuously of God’s goodness, also served as the catalyst for the women in my life whose influence served me well.
These inspirations include grandmothers who relied on The Lord for sustenance. A great grandmother who defied odds with fortitude and perseverance. The aunts, providing a mosaic of experiences that nurture and enrich lives. A faithful few who grip tightly, no matter what transpires. The encouragers, cheering from the sideline to unassuming women tarrying about their day. I began to take note of everything.
The majestic Hand of God is continually at work. His goodness in our lives can be found everywhere. His blessings abound. But the enemy is ruthless and has a way of weaponizing life against us. If we are not intentional, we can become filled with grumblings. Ungrateful and hardened hearts manifesting bitterness toward the very God we believe to be sovereign. Thinking life should occur as we see fit only boxes God in. Our parameters serve only to restrict us from the abundant life He promises His children. So pay attention to everything, being thoughtful not to overlook the small stuff. When we are faithful with little, we can be trusted with much (Luke 16:10).
I appreciate that I am not everyone’s assignment, nor are they mine. Much like pressure, death exposes the best and worst in us, revealing what is in our hearts. For those who have harmed me, using the words of Oprah I have learned to say, “Thank you for that experience.” Without rain, not much grows in life. Even when it poured, God shone His Light on the multitude who have been standing in the rain with me. Some carrying umbrellas, others ushering me onto drier ground.
Still, I have yet to encounter one person capable of eradicating the pain of grief. But I did discover who can. Through my relationship with Jesus Christ, I have an unspeakable peace and joy. And as special as He makes me feel, I am keenly aware that this feeling is available to everyone. Remove the barriers. Dismantle your expectations, intentionally seek Him, and dwell in the goodness of God. With a grateful heart, you will find yourself just as I did, with more blessings than a mere thirty days can hold.
